Folks who live generally in balance focus on what they can do and don’t lose energy spinning their wheels or getting tied up in knots over what is outside their control. At the same time, they hold a strongly accountable point of view, don’t avoid problems, and are willing to own the part they play in a situation.

To get a sense for this, draw three concentric circles on a piece of paper.

• Label the inner circle "control" and in this circle write or think about all the things in your life that you have direct control over.
• Next, label the second circle "influence." Here identify all the things in your life that don’t have total control over, but that your can influence by your actions.
• Now, label the third and largest circle "appreciate" or "learn from." Within this circle, pause to note all the factors and forces in your life that are too large, complex, or distant for you to feel much of a sense of influence over. Many of these forces, such as the powerful realities of the weather, taxes, or organizational bureaucracy are beyond your direct control or even your influence. Yet many people exhaust themselves struggling against, worrying, or complaining about these large and unwieldy forces.

A wiser, more balanced approach is to focus attention on those aspects of our life, work, environment, and relationships that we can better learn from, influence, or even control, and to allow ourselves to better understand and appreciate the large mysterious forces that are too complex to feel much control over. Saint Francis expressed this balanced awareness in his prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

In our own work as coaches, facilitators, and trainers with individuals, teams, and organizations, we often remind people to focus on those factors that they can really get some leverage on. Understanding that we can’t cover the thorny earth with leather, we concentrate our efforts to make shoes. Realizing that the bureaucracy in our organizations is difficult to change, we mobilize people at a grass roots or team level, and identify ways that we can improve things in the department or area that we do have some control or influence over.

Adopting an "accountable" approach to change means being mindful of where we can expand our circle of control and our circle of influence. This also means being mindful of our often unconscious beliefs, assumptions, or attitudes regarding the larger forces in our lives and finding more balanced, learningful, or appreciative ways to relate to them. Remember, "when we are aware we have a choice." Holding an accountable point of view brings our life more into control and balance by focusing on where we can get leverage and where we can make a difference.